In his bestselling book, The Five Love Languages relationship counselor Dr Gary Chapman identifies five different ways that we can express love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Without even realizing it, many of us show love in ways which others find hard to receive. For example, no amount of beautiful flowers will do it for a woman who really longs for undivided attention. And for a man who just wants to hear some encouraging words, a home-cooked dinner however tasty – is no replacement.So, Chapman’s concept is simple but very effective. If you can learn to recognize your partner’s love language, and help them to recognize yours, you will both feel more loved and understood.Chapman describes these ways in which we express love as ‘love languages’, as at least one of the five will communicate love to you in a way that you immediately understand.
Some of us will be bilingual and have two ‘love languages’ that resonate.for us. Don’t be surprised if you speak love differently from your partner because in many couples that is the case.The best way to work out someone’s love language is to think about what they do for you, because people often tend to show love in the way they most like to receive it. Another clue is to listen to what they complain about when they are feeling unappreciated. Do they get upset because you fail to help out, for example, or because they feel you don’t spend enough time with them? Some people think their partner should automatically understand how they show love.But that’s a bit like thinking the French should understand English if you just speak slowly and loudly enough. If your beloved has a different love language, it helps to learn it. And like any foreign language, it might seem a bit strange at first, but it will get easier with practice.
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